看唐三藏如何教悟空买基金（很冷）

看唐三藏如何教悟空买基金（很冷）
悟空,乘这两天股市反弹你养的那些鸡就杀了吧,不要犟了,当年你不就是因为太犟,才叫五指山股份给套了500多年吗?要不是为师帮你解套你今天都出不来,难道我们辛辛苦苦取回来的炒股真经你没读吗?

不是我们无能是基金太狡滑,基金是不按真经操盘的,我们要活学活用,我承认你上次在白股精的事情上你的火眼金晴看出基金实力不强,你嬴了,可是今天不同了,基民是斗不过基金的,要跟庄不要斗庄,我看八戒在这方面比你强,他跟了高老庄后,就挣上钱了,现在自已做庄了,老婆也娶上了,看看你买基这么多年,老想斗败庄家,结果常被套牢,....

又嫌我罗嗦，你也该成个家了，杀了鸡去股市看看，有没条件与你相当的女股民，我看蜘蛛精不错,你娶了她可以在网上交易了,不用天天跑交易大厅了,另外悟净让我给你带个话,他的流沙股份就要上市了,做房地产的,乘现在行情好,你买一点定向发行,上后帮着抬抬价,自已师弟不会亏待你的,什么时侯你的花果山旅游上市就好了,上次让你送点礼,你不听,要不早就该增发了。

顺便说一句,为师的三藏实业也要上市了,要不你来挂个CEO,凭你的名声,发行价按40走上市至少250,为师也该挣点钱养老了,白龙马也老了,该换宝马了,你也不能老靠筋斗云出门,买个奔驰吧,听为师的吧,割了肉,自已做庄,这年头做基民没活路,告诉你实情吧,这次又是如来的人做庄,要搞期指,可千万别说是我说的呀!

Telephone call to M'sia

How much would it cost to (telephone) call Malaysia from Hell? You'd be
surprised!

Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and Ahmad Badawi die and go to hell. But
the devil has only one phone there. Queen says, I miss my England , can I
use your phone and hear how my people are doing down there.

She calls and talks about five minutes. Then she asks: Well devil, how
much do I owe you for the call? The devil says: Five million pounds. She
writes him a cheque and goes back to her chair .

Clinton wants to make a call too. He says I wanna call the US . He talks
about ten minutes, then asks how much do I owe you devil? The devil says
Ten million dollars He also writes a cheque and goes back to his seat

Badawi is jealous. He says I want to call Malaysia . He calls and
talks for about an hour to his son-in-law who is busy trying to
find Mr.Petronas. Then he asks the devil how much do I owe you?

The devil replies: only one dollar. Badawi is shocked and asks
'why so little?'.

The devils says: if you make a call from one hell to another, IT'S LOCAL
CALL.

Here come Ah Beng again... Cheers.. :)

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,'My Mobile No. Has changed.
"Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"

_________________

Ah Beng : I am a Proud dad, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

_________________

Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

_________________

Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

_________________

Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again.

_________________

Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How come the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...'

_________________

Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'

_________________

How do you recognize Ah Beng in School ?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

賊

有一位青年畫家，在還沒成名前，住在一間狹隘的小房子裡，靠畫人像維生。一天，一個富人經過，看他的畫工細緻，很喜歡，便請他幫忙畫一幅人像。雙方約好酬勞是一萬元。一個星期後，人像完成了，富人依約前來拿畫。這時富人心裡起了歹念，欺他年輕又未成名，不肯按照原先的約定付給酬勞金。富人心中想著：「畫中的人像是我，這幅畫如果我不買，那麼，絕沒有人會買。我又何必花那麼多錢來買呢？」於是富人賴賬，他說只願花三千元買這幅畫。青年畫家傻住了，他從來沒碰過這種事，心裡有點慌，花了許多唇舌，向富人據理爭，希望富人能遵守約定，做個有信用的人。「我只能花三千元買這幅畫，你別再囉唆了。」富人認為他居上風。「最後，我問你一句，三千元，賣不賣？」青年畫家知道富人故意賴賬，心中憤憤不平，他以堅定的語氣說：「不賣。我寧可不賣這幅畫，也不願受你的屈辱。今天你失信毀約，將來一定要你付出二十倍的代價。」「笑話，二十倍，是二十萬耶！我才不會笨得花二十萬買這幅畫。」「那麼，我們等著瞧好了。」青年畫家對悻悻然離去的富人說。經過這一個事件的刺激後，畫家搬離了這個傷心地，重新拜師學藝，日夜苦練。皇天不負苦心人，十幾年後，他終於闖出了一片天地，在藝術界上，成為一位知名的人物。那個富人呢？自從離開畫室後，第二天就把畫家的畫和話淡忘了。直到那一天，富人的好幾位朋友不約而同的來告訴他：「好友！有一件事好奇怪喔！這些天我們去參觀一位成名藝術家的畫展，其中有一幅畫不二價，畫中的人物跟你長得一模一樣，標示價格二十萬。好笑的是，這幅畫的標題竟然是--賊。」富人好像被人當頭打了一棍，富人想起了十多年前畫家的事。這件事對自己的傷害太大了，他立刻連夜趕去找青年畫家向他道歉，並且花了二十萬買回那幅人像畫。青年憑著一股不服輸的志氣，讓富人低了頭。這個年輕人名叫畢卡索。沒有人能屈辱、打敗你，除了你自己

My friend send this to me. I thought is quite funny so I share it here.

人之初：At the begining of life.
性本善：Sex is good.
性相近：Basically,all the sex are same.
习相远：But it depends on how the way you do it.
苟不教：If you do not practise all the time.
性乃迁：Sex will leave you..
教之道：The way of learning it
贵以专：is very important to make love with only one person.
昔孟母：Once a great mother, Mrs Meng
择邻处：chose her neighbour to avoid bad sex influence.
子不学：If you don''t study hard,
断机杼：Your Dick will become useless.
窦燕山 ：Dou, the Famous
有义方 ：owned a very effective exciting medicine
教五子 ：All his five son took it
名俱扬 ：and their sexual ability were well-kown.
养不教 ：If your children don''t know how to do it,
父之过 ：It is all your fault.
教不严 ：If they had lots of problems with it,
师之惰 ：their teach must be too lazy to tell them details on sex.
子不学 ：You may refuse to study this
非所宜 ：but that is a real mistake
幼不学 ：If you don''t learn it in childhood,
老何为 ：you will lose your ability when aged
玉不琢 ：If you don''t exercise your dick,
不成器 ：It won''t become hard and strong.
人不学： If you don''t learn sex,
不知义 ：You can by no means enjoy its sweetness